Right...

heh yeah i did think it would cheer mee up I like to go out and actually DO something.....but this time...it didnt cheer mee up....I mean how could seeing all those happy couples at the mall actually make mee think that I'm happy single...I've always wanted a good boyfriend I mean like not the jackasses that i always end up with....I mean I've never really been "on a date"cuz for one thing all the guys that are interested in mee (so it seems) are the bone headed freaks....and for two my parents are kinda ...protective wait what am i saying they are really protective!!! so even if i found the perfect guy I doubt i could get my parents to let mee go out with him (but they might?)....I mean my mom said I could group date...like with my friends and stuff (not that any of my friends date either) but group date in my moms language probly means friends are just my cover-up and i will be watching your every move and will be going on your date along with you!!...*sigh* so yeah.....but still just to have a guy...a cute, nice guy like mee...like really like mee...but those things only happen in those romance novels that i seem to be addicted to now...which may i add makes it worse, reading about there perfect boyfriends and how they live happily ever after...I mean I'm not obsessed with guys trust mee! I have had the worst experience with guys Ive been almost killed by one (he tryed to slit my throat) Ahhh..... this one (iz kinda my falt) but i took dares seriously really seirously and he knew it and he dared mee to do some things...nuttin sexuall or anything...well kinda but I'm not getting into that, and a couple others but my point is Its actually really hard for mee to trust anyone ever boys or girls....Ask my best friend it took her about a year or so to actually get to know mee...the real mee...and actually B sides my mom she is the only person that knows mee....I mean yeah alot of people think they know mee...and they might i doubt it but they might ...but as far as I know Rachel and my mom are the only ones....I think that alot of other people might have beginning to see the real mee but...the thing is they couldn't take it....and that broke mee....so yeah I have a trust Issue...and I'm apush over even tho i put up that "I'm so tough attitude"...I really wish I was tough but one cricism at this point in my life would really hurt....so let mee sum up my life for you:
home skooled (1st year hate it) + trust issue + no BF + only one true friend + romance novels + seeing happy couples + prozact + no self esteem what so ever = a really crappy person named B.E.E.B