Monday, May 30, 2005

You...

Even though you know all my flaws
you accepted me without pause
You make me feel like Im worth it
you make me want to be more than a half-whit

Things may not have been good
so many things I missunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo

Don't do anything you don't wanna do
because I know these consequences will be new
tell me slow and I'll go slow, tell me fast and I'll go fast
Because I don't want to feel like I've trespassed

Things may not have been good
so many things I missunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo

If you don't wanna do this, if you start to get scared
just tell me if you're not prepared
'Cause I'm a big girl and can handle it
I know how hard it is to commit

Things may not have been good
so many things I missunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo



(not done)
(C) Bonnie B.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Airsoft Gun

My brother got an airsoft gun...ok Im dead. Bye Cruel world!!

Just Tell mee

Need to watch the steps I'm taking
Need to think about the hearts I'm breaking
One missed step, one wrong word
I don't want this to be awkward
Why does it have to be this way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm supposed to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me that you don't want me

Can't believe I'm one of them
Who's love will condemn
I hate myself more and more
I think my soul just tore
Why am I acting this way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm supposed to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me that you don't want me

Will anyone tell me it's all okay?
Will anyone tell me what to say?
Anyone just love me in every way
Or will I just have to pay?
Why do I feel that way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm supposed to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me now that you don't want me



(not done)
(c) Bonnie B.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I gotta new swim suit!

I gotta new swim suit!!! *does happy dance* its brown with pink liner and like other stuff but yeah its Guess so it was ummm....How do you say it... WAY too much for a swim suit?! But I LOVE it so *shruggz* anyways...I bored and everyone is gone having fun...heh but yeah I wanna go swimming...*grin* but Im not gonna, I kinda don't wanna cuz I don't look good enff in my swim suit yett so Ill just wait till summer..
*sigh* Mmmmmmmmm I guess I'll go, I've got stuff to do.....Maybe I'll go for a bike ride *grinz* byee

Dying

As I lay here in the dark
I look into myself, it darkens
I gaze at the stars, not seeing
through my tears that are falling

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
Im out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me it's okay

I whisper as I cry in the night
asking for the truth outright
do you love me?, will you have me?
just tell me truly

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
I'm out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me its okay

keep makin' the same mistakes
keep havin' all these heartbreaks
show me how to let it All go
'cause I don't want to carry this anymore, NO

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
Im out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me its okay


(c) Bonnie B.
(not done)

Friday, May 27, 2005

So Much Stuff Going On....

Well my mom and my dad have been fighting a whole lot more scence My grandma has been here.... And my mom is 90% sure she is moving back to LO, my grandma has already placed bids at several houses' on the lake...And If she does move here My mom is SO SERIOUS about moving.... I don't know where but most likely not in Oregon.... So I'm REEEEALY hoping that it doesn't work out with any of the houses' or Its back to moving all over the place... *sad faraway look* But there is no other way anyways...My grandma is a very unreasonable person *sigh* you don't even wanna know... O and apparently Im a lil' b!ch according to my grandma but I believe her so *shruggz*...Mmmmm what else..O my mom is reeeealy stressed about the finances and stuff cuz this time of year is bad for my daddies Job....So my mom is like stressed to the max which means things get taken out on me a lot cuz Im the oldest and Im home schooled so heh...annnnnd....I've been a lil' out of it for other reasons that I'm not going to get into but It requires a lot of thought on my part and a lot of crying *grin* but the cryin was really about everything *shruggz* but yeah my grandma is planning on staying at my house till June something so my house is going to be allot of fun fun fun *grimaces* but yeah I've got stuff to do sooooo...bye

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Mistake

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
'Cause Im afraid I'll make a mistake

So confused, don't know where to go
I feel like I've sunk so low
what's wrong with me? why am I doing this?
Why is everything so amiss?

I don't want it, I can't lose it
All I seem to want is benefit
NO! Im not like that, I don't do this
But it seems like bliss...

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
'Cause Im afraid I'll make a mistake

Everywhere I turn, every time I look
Im caught like a fish on a hook
What happened to those old time cooties?
So I can get rid of All these worries

Its not your fault, maybe you feel it too?
But I really have no freakin' clue
Just don't look into my eyes the way you do
yeah, just stop being so true

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
'Cause Im afraid I'll make a mistake

Make a mistake like I always do
Make a mistake I can't undo
I don't wanna take what we have away
so just do as I say
yeah... just do as I say
.......
*sigh*




(c) Bonnie B.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

FINE! I'll Update my Blog!!

Mmmmmk lets see....

Too much stuff to blog about.....mmmmm Ill do recent

Choir ended *sob* and I wont be able to see my choir friends fer a while (I.E. The Bower Family Who I am COMPLETELY in Love with and the Nutters *grinz*) But Im going to see them and other people this saterday! My Mommy is gonna pick up Rae and Jer and take us to their camping grounds and we get to hang out with them all day till late (I hope *grinz*). And Mmmmmmmm... Im don't want to blog anything else so yeah byeee.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

This is why I Cried

There is a pain deep inside
and this is why I cried

'Cause every time I stop and think
I just seem to shrink

Shrink into the nothing I have become
Have I finally hit rock bottom?

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Keep on laughing, keep on smiling
Keep on dialing the wrong number

Going everywhere, not gettin' anywhere
All I can tell you is beware

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

So many mistakes
Too many outbreaks

I can't make it go away
So I guess it's here to stay

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Yes they'll have me, but will they keep me?
Because to tell the truth I'm not all that friendly

I don't mean it, I don't know Im doin' it
It's just so hard for me to commit

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Keeps seeming like Im trying to laugh it all off
But it keeps coming back all too often

I'm so mixed up, so inside out
All I wanna do anymore is shout

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I'm crying





(c) Bonnie B.

Monday, May 16, 2005

In pain but happy

I GOT THAT THING OUTTA MY MOUTH!!! but now my mouth REALLY hurts...

Friday, May 13, 2005

Tears

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me it's purpose
And I might not go insane

Im just looking for someone to love me
was starting to get desperate
found out I can't just take any
till I find that he won't have me

here I wait
for my long coming fate
so many wrongs, yet so many right
All I want is my long Awaited knight

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me it's purpose
And I might not go insane

maybe I'm wanting too much
why do I crave your touch?
I've never felt this way before
It's too much for me to Ignore

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me it's purpose
And I might not go insane


(c)Bonnie B.






(sry about all the POems....I was having writers block for like ever...And now I don't And I wanna get all I can out of not having writers block...sooo yeeeah...)

Jeremiah 9

1 Oh, that my head were a spring of water
and my eyes a fountain of tears!
I would weep day and night
for the slain of my people.

2 Oh, that I had in the desert
a lodging place for travelers,
so that I might leave my people
and go away from them;
for they are all adulterers,
a crowd of unfaithful people.

3 "They make ready their tongue
like a bow, to shoot lies;
it is not by truth
that they triumph in the land.
They go from one sin to another;
they do not acknowledge me,"
declares the LORD.

4 "Beware of your friends;
do not trust your brothers.
For every brother is a deceiver,
and every friend a slanderer.

5 Friend deceives friend,
and no one speaks the truth.
They have taught their tongues to lie;
they weary themselves with sinning.

6 You live in the midst of deception;
in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,"
declares the LORD.

7 Therefore this is what the LORD Almighty says:
"See, I will refine and test them,
for what else can I do
because of the sin of my people?

8 Their tongue is a deadly arrow;
it speaks with deceit.
With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbor,
but in his heart he sets a trap for him.

9 Should I not punish them for this?"
declares the LORD.
"Should I not avenge myself
on such a nation as this?"

10 I will weep and wail for the mountains
and take up a lament concerning the desert pastures.
They are desolate and untraveled,
and the lowing of cattle is not heard.
The birds of the air have fled
and the animals are gone.

11 "I will make Jerusalem a heap of ruins,
a haunt of jackals;
and I will lay waste the towns of Judah
so no one can live there."

12 What man is wise enough to understand this? Who has been instructed by the LORD and can explain it? Why has the land been ruined and laid waste like a desert that no one can cross?

13 The LORD said, "It is because they have forsaken my law, which I set before them; they have not obeyed me or followed my law. 14 Instead, they have followed the stubbornness of their hearts; they have followed the Baals, as their fathers taught them." 15 Therefore, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "See, I will make this people eat bitter food and drink poisoned water. 16 I will scatter them among nations that neither they nor their fathers have known, and I will pursue them with the sword until I have destroyed them."

17 This is what the LORD Almighty says:
"Consider now! Call for the wailing women to come;
send for the most skillful of them.

18 Let them come quickly
and wail over us
till our eyes overflow with tears
and water streams from our eyelids.

19 The sound of wailing is heard from Zion:
'How ruined we are!
How great is our shame!
We must leave our land
because our houses are in ruins.' "

20 Now, O women, hear the word of the LORD;
open your ears to the words of his mouth.
Teach your daughters how to wail;
teach one another a lament.

21 Death has climbed in through our windows
and has entered our fortresses;
it has cut off the children from the streets
and the young men from the public squares.

22 Say, "This is what the LORD declares:
" 'The dead bodies of men will lie
like refuse on the open field,
like cut grain behind the reaper,
with no one to gather them.' "

23 This is what the LORD says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,

24 but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD.

25 "The days are coming," declares the LORD, "when I will punish all who are circumcised only in the flesh- 26 Egypt, Judah, Edom, Ammon, Moab and all who live in the desert in distant places. For all these nations are really uncircumcised, and even the whole house of Israel is uncircumcised in heart."

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Things that I'm thinking about...

World Life stuff:

1. Graduating...

2. Getting a Job

3. Learing to Drive

4. School grades counting next year

5. College

6. Having to support myself


spituall stuff:

1. Getting back on track

2. Having a set time for Bible study

3. Make it so that Im making time for the world, not Im making time for God
(meaning: God is my life and I don't make time for Him, He is my life, The world should not be my life, I should make time for it, not vise versa)


Friend stuff:

1. Trying to be a good one

2. Being supportive

3. Praying for friends more

4. Make sure you've got true friends not the fake ones you used to have


Mee stuff:

1. Work on not being so bossy

2. Work on being a pleasant person instead of an annoying one

3. Work on whining/laziness

4. Working on being more like me


stupid stuff:

1. Something Im not going to say/type

2. Getting out of shape

Random stuff:

1. Thinking about old friend(s)

2. Thinking about my enemy's...

3. not belonging to a church...(in transition)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I don't need A Fake

Don't pretend to be my friend
don't Pretend To be anything more
there's no need for anyone to pretend a friend
If anything a real friend or my true amour

'Cause, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No, Just Don't
'Cause I don't need a fake

I'm not pretending for anyone
I require the same
you have no duty to me, no, none
so no one is to blame

'Cause, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
'Cause I don't need a fake

Don't pretend to be anything your not
Keep this going, you'll get yourself in a deadlock
'Cause I don't need some big-shot
And I don't want your tainted talk

'Cause, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
'Cause I don't need a fake

All I need is someone to get rid of this heartbreak
and If I get another Fake
I think it might just be it's last break
so I better not make another mistake

'Cause, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
'Cause I don't need a fake



(GAH,...not done...)

(c) Bonnie Broderick

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Big Red Button

Friday, May 06, 2005

OK...

that poem is a lil...odd but I was watching lots of different Revelation Shows and sooooo yeah...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

(I don't know a good title)

The world so empty so lost
sooner or later we will pay the cost

of tricks and treason
or any and all reason

you may have escaped punishment on earth
but eventually it will take its worth

there is a way to wash it all away
because someone else did pay

Pay for all the sin of humankind
so you can leave it all behind

just open your eyes and your heart
you won't know how you were ever apart

from the one who knows you inside and out
and can erase all of your doubt

about Hope, Faith, or Love
because it all was created by the one above

He'll make you feel like you're worth it
but only if you submit

your heart and soul
or else you will pay the toll

of denying the one and only way
for the last coming day

you will not regret your choice
you will long to hear his voice

he will love you for you
and will always be true

Just be who you are
you are his shining star

you may stray from him
but once again the world will dim

because the only way life is worth a thing
is if you grasping

The hand of Jesus
who is and always will be Blameless

he can show you all there is and more
something you cannot ignore

give him a chance, he is waiting
all you have to do is be willing

it Dose'nt matter what you've done however big or small
he will still take you flaws and all

just take his hand and watch it all fade away
be sure you do not go astray

there is more after life on earth
he has a place for you that's worth

where you will dwell ever after
and love your Lord at his alter

where there will be no pain
and were there is no rain

what will you choose when it comes down to it all?
will you go the everlasting way or will you take your fall?

it is all up to you
if you want to be brand new

but it is even more
than just being thought as poor

if you don't go the right way
the only other way is the wrong way

there you will surely pay it to the fullest
where all there is, is coldness

and were there is no hope
all you can do is cope

this place I speak of
is the opposite from above

this place I speak of shall remain nameless
but just remember that this place is anything but painless

take his hand, he will lead you
submit your pain, he will heal you

Give him your heart, he will love you
show him you sin, he will forgive you

what else could you ask for?
he will give it all to you and more




(I don't know what to put as an ending)



(c) Bonnie B.

Holding Out For A Hero

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream
of what I need

[Chorus]

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder end rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

[Chorus]

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind end the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Thoughts...

Love Me, Don't Hate Me

Think About Me, Don't Talk About Me

Forgive Me, Don't Forget Me

Walk with me Not Away from me

Speak to me don't ignore me

Tell me what you think don't leave me out

Like me don't pretend to

Take me as I am don't expect me to change

help me don't let me drive myself into the ground

Protect me don't wound me

Kiss me don't hurt me

reach for me don't run from me

understand me don't stop trying

Hold me don't let me go...



Need mee because I need you

Keep me because I'll keep you

Love me because I Love you

Monday, May 02, 2005

MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!

WOW...LOL...OK My B-day party (for mee) started on Friday...OK I meet Rae at the play "My Fair Lady" because Alex And Peter were in it. It was 3 hours!!! Mee and Rae were fighting the whole time!!! *grinz* But the play was soooooooooooooooooooooo good!! I loved it!! Alex and Peter were SOO good at their parts...I didn't know that peter had such a good voice... But yeah after the play Sara took us to the back of the opera house and we ran this track for motorcycles like 3x *grinz* Rae and I were wearing flip flops sooo...We fell multiple times....Then it started to rain so me went back inside...And then we had to find our ride...The wonderful Anna! *grinz* she was at the car already...*oops* so they drove us home and I blew a kiss at them! It was 11:45ish when we got home so mee and Rae didn't do much but we ate and did random things...And then we woke up the next day and walked to Sara's house because we were taking her to the mall with us (for my b-day) well we found it and I got to see her house (very nice) I got to see Laura!!! And yeah so Anna (the one I love!!) said she would drive us to the mall (because we were gone walk..) on the way there we saw Luke on his bike...And when we got there at about 10:45ish we walked to where we were meeting at the mall and we were still early so Sara, Rae and I looked at Clair's and look at this Art thing near by...No one got there on time... The Caitlyn got there...But long story short she couldn't stay right then.... then tashie showed up!! So then us gurls wandered around the mall for a bit...We got hungry and so I took them to Micky deez and we ate and then I got some stuff at Zumiez and then I got them candy and then we meet my mom and Caitlyn...And we ran into some old friends. Coleen (sp??) and Brandon who is 17. I had a HUGE crush on him when I was lil!! *grinz* but yeah we talk a bit and I gave him my # and MSN SN and then I hugged them both and left to do stuff and while walking Sara to where she was gone be picked up, I ran into Cassie the b!tch who tried to ruin my life...And some other people who weren't much better...And I said hi without tearing out their eyes! But I wasn't feeling very good after that nightmare...Then Sara went home then we all decided we were tired for walking around the mall for about 5 hours and went to my house and went to Hollywood video and rented the most retarded movie "Closer" and got over $10 of candy at the market!! And set up my room for l8ter!! Then Rae and I lead Caitlyn and Tashie to a park and we had a shaving cream fight!!!!! It was sooooo fun...Then we did eachothers "hair" with Mohawks and teletubi style!! Then we had to walk back to my house COVERED from head to toe with shaving cream!!!! We got pointed at, honked at, whisled at, and one guy yelled hi out his window...LOL when we were outside my house I rembered that I left my cell where we had had the shaving cream war and we had to go back and get it and basically the same thing happed when we were walking there to get it and back. Then I sprayed them with the hose it was freezing!!! Then we got cleaned up.....*grinz* then we did our nails for like 3 hours (slow pokes *grinz*) then we sang happy birthday to mee with My cake cause tashie was going home soon...Then my mom got home and cooked the pizza and we ate and watched CSI then we went to my room and watched to movie we rented...And pigged out on food and went to bed at around 2:45am -ish Rae kicked me and Caitlyn of..Literally..And then my dog woke us up in the morning and we had walffles and then there was the mad rush of getting ready for Church..After church We went to the other mall place and We were all like dead...Then we went to freddys and had food and energy drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! Then we hung out across the street from our church (cuz we had choir) and Took pictures of eachother (which I posted!!) then We went to choir and I was like dieing...Then We all went home!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE
and that's that...Fun right?! LOL