A Picture Of The Author... ME!

The Twisted Thoughts Of Bonnie... Scary.

(topic #1)
You know what's ironic? We ALL think that our life is the worst... But you know what? ALL our lives are the worst... For us... What one person could handle (however badly) another person would fail miserably at... But we don't need to focus on only the bad... Which is what most of us do... do you know why? Cause its that's the easy way out... To feel sorry for yourself and get depressed and screw yourself over... That's EASY... It hurts like he11 but its easy... the hard part is being as happy as you can be a messed up ,crazy world... Im not saying pretending your happy, when your not is ok... Cause that is NOT ok... It'll hurt you more then its worth, later... We have to somehow know that everything isn't ok but... Also be happy... And trust me it'll be HARD... But that's why life it worth it... the challenges and the glimpse of love, kindness, and happiness...


(topic #2)
you know those scary looking ppl who hang out at hot topic? And those skinny blonds that hang out at A and F? And those "sk8ters" with their pants down to their knees?
and those nerdy ppl who... Well hang out at home? They all act totally different, right? Wrong. Yes, the goths acted depressed and drugged up. The preps act dumb and overly happy. the sk8ters act dumb and dangerous. And the nerds act... Nerdy. But really most of that is just that an ACT. I know its not always like that but really most of it IS an act... Mm maybe a better way of explaining it would be to use myself... Okay when I started 7th grade I really was myself, acting the way I would anywhere... But in Jr. High I soon learned that, that didn't work... So I had to ACT a certain way to impress the group I wanted to hang with... And Most all of us do that... And after a while we conform ourselves...We forget who we were before we stared play ACTING... And then guess what... YOU ARE WHAT YOU PRETEND TO BE.... And you then lose all of your originality and you'll try to create some... Which works... I guess...

WILL SMITH THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!!

><<<<<<<<<<>< UpDaTe ><>>>>>>>>><

I thought I'd post 'cause the last 3 or 4 posts were poems and... Yeah so I've been hanging out with Rae (like always heh) and There was Halloween and if you don't know I was a football player... And then there was my moms Birthday on the 4th of November and we went to Bridgeport Mall with my family. But I've basically been keeping to myself... I've been going to church on Thursdays now, which is kool. And I'm like a lil' annoyed with like ALL of my friends *grinz* not you of course... heh and I'm really excited for this weekend!! Its the Fall Retreat! And there's gonna be paint-balling so... I'm happy about that... Even though I suck at paint-balling... But I'll have fun *grin* and... I'm really hoping that I can get some major things off my chest this weekend... heh I kinda have a lot on my mind... And no its nothing I really wanna share *grin* but yeah... Um the only other interesting thing I can think of now is that I've noticed that like all but like 3 of my friends or My "friends" are guys... And I think that has something to do with the fact that I'm a total flirt and something to do with the fact of me not really getting along with girls.... I just don't... I always end-up getting attacked... *laughs to self* its funny...kinda heh but now I guess I have a girl issue and a my-guy-friends-dont-think-their-just-my-friend issue...
Maybe I'm socially exempt...

*--------------------* All I Know *--------------------*

Every time I try and hold back these tears
it seems that all that's left are my fears
this smile, stapled on hurts me
hurting me, like nothing else can, can't you see?

Pounding in my ears, flowing through my veins
Music, seems to drown out all of my hidden pains
But I can still hear it, the screaming that separates me
My head hurts, and still no one can see

Step back, look around
change is what I need
Re-shape what is me
But what will be the fee?

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

afraid to close my eyes, to seep, to dream
It's another day lost another day forgotten
I'm on breakdown mode but I've put it on pause
My Life can't be so much of a lost cause

Too many lessons I've forgotten to learn
Every word you say to me seems to burn
My stomach is in knots, that never come undone
But this fight is far from done

Step back, look around
change is what I need
Re-shape what is me
But what will be the fee?

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

Yeah I know I still have lots to lose, to learn
But I'm gonna close my eyes and hope
that maybe this crumpled up paper can be perfect again...

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

This IS an Issue.








(c) Bonnie B.