Leaving....

Hey Just Blogging to say good-bye... Won't be back till August 9th.... Won't see any of you for longer... But the upside is that you guys can call me....If ya want, on my cell when I'm gone....But remember its 3 hours ahead in Hawaii so..... Call me After 6:00 during the week and anytime (semi-reasonable) on the weekend Im gone....*sigh* sooo um yeah... Bye... I love you Guys...


***2 things nothing to do with the above***
1. Rae I can't go camping with you... My Dad's B-day is the 24th and My mom says I have to be here for his birthday...I would have told you over the phone but your hanging out with friends right now....soo... Are you sure life isn't trying to screw me over???
2. I just spent the last hour and a half sobbing in my closet. Haven't done that in a while. Now excuse me while I unwind.




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What happens

What happens when your world changes
all cause' of just one person
what happens to your all together attitude
when your waiting by the phone

what happens to your thoughts
when all you can think of is him
what happens when you just stop breathing
just because he's there

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you

what happened when you said you loved me
I said I Love you too
what happened when you got kissed
I said do you want me to...Do you?

so many more questions then answers
so many more wrong then right
so many more mistakes then good choices
Im so scared you'll give up... I'm sorry

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you




(( to be continued...))

I don't know what to Blog

Hold Me

Memories of him all around me
I just can't seem to think clearly
Never knew that I would feel so scared
there's no way I can be prepared
for anything that he does

I want so bad for him to be ok with all of this
I don't even know if he's ok with my kiss
All I want is for him to be happy
even if that means with or without me
but never inbetween

Look at me and tell me Im beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

You said you wouldn't stop me
but that's not what I asked
why'd you say what you did
is it because you want to forbid?
or some other unknown reason?

I wish that 1st night You took my hand
would last forever at my command
but it's all slipping through my hands like sand
am I holding on too tight?
am I coming on too strong?

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny...I don't think I could let you





(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Hate The Mall...

You wanna know why? If not stop reading, if so...

I don't like the mall because Of all the pretty girls.

I don't like the mall because of All the Pretty Girls With their boyfriends.

I don't like the Mall because it makes me feel ugly and insignificant.

I don't like the mall because I've been told time and time again that I'm beautiful...But when it comes down to it all I don't feel the part.

I don't like the Mall because they all look so happy...I know their not...But they still look happy.

I don't like the mall because I say I don't wanna be like that, but really... I do.

I don't like the mall because of all the photos of those perfect girls, with the blonde hair and Blue Eyes...

I don't like the mall because I try on the "popular" outfits and I never seem to be able to pull it off.

I don't like the mall because It reminds me of Public school...

I don't like the mall because for the whole time I'm in the mall I feel suffocated, misplaced, ugly, stupid, not worth anything... And I don't think there is anything that will or would change that.

I don't like the mall because it reminds me what I really think of myself.

I don't like the mall yet I'm there... Wandering around, trying to laugh it all off... Im there doing things I knew I shouldn't have been doing... I'm there...Desperately trying to look like or be one of those f@cking carbon copies that I despise so much...

Melodramatic or Smartly stupid

???

Taken away

He was mine, I was his
We were hidden
never to be found
but we knew we were stormbound

the day from gray to black
I knew this was more than a setback
this was an end to our secret world
no more of those sweet stolen kisses

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

no regrets, no "if onlys"
I'll walk tall
despite it all
But with tears in my eyes

Don't stop loving me
that's all I want nothing more
As I cried the day away
I thought of what got taken

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only In my dreams
if only





(c) Bonnie Broderick

William Shakespeare, "Hamlet", Act 3 scene 1

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep:
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to,--'t is a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

I scream

In the dark all alone
thinking about all of the unknown
those words I hear, hit down deep
is there nothing I can keep?

heard it a million times over
I just don't know what I wanna do
screwing up, all up and down
I scream and no one hears a sound

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek

life seems to be on some other side
maybe I can be carried away by the tide
drinking up the water so it becomes me
and they say life is the key

I know what's wrong about it all
I don't deserve anything but that endless fall
don't have anything to keep, nothing much to give away
I know thats what they say

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek




((to be continued....))

(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Love The Beach...

I went to Cannon Beach yesterday. It was kinda a last minute thing, I went with My mom, brother, my Moms friend and her baby, and Rachel!! The weather was pretty good not perfect, but pretty good. So me and Rae splashed in the water, wrote stuff in the sand, attacked eachother with sand, looked at tide-pools, and made a really sad sand castle. Then we left the beach and went to this AMAZING candy store (that I always go to when I go to cannon Beach) and I got some Cotton Candy and some candy stick things...Then we drove homewards and stopped at DQ. Which was a pretty sad experience... 'cause my mom accidentally drove by the Ordering box and so she ordered at the window...But the girl was new and my mom gave a complicated, choppy order, which as you may have guessed, messed up and there was a 3 or 4 car line of people who had already ordered and 3 or 4 more cars who drove away from the take-out line. But eventually the painful experience came to an end after we drove from the take-out window and parked so that they could help the people behind us and get our order done. And the rest of the trip was pretty much uneventful.


The Day before or maybe the day before that I Played Ultimate Frisbee with All of the Bowers, Alex ,and Luke. And it was Really hilarious because the Bowers take the Game so seriously and I just couldn't help but laugh. OMG and before that when I was at Rae's house Adam Drives up with Sara and Evan and Laura and I get in the car to talk with Sara and Laura and Adam was apparently done with talking to whoever he was talking to at Rae's and Drove up and turned around and drove back past Rae's (way too fast *rolls eyes* boys) and I was complaining and telling him to let me out. Then he had to stop at the light and I got out of the car which was still moving-ish and the back of my shoe was stuck under one of the cars wheels (*growl*) and I whined and complained until he drove off of it. Then I made my way back to Rae's a lil' P.O.-ed but unharmed *laughs* so yeah Im to lazy... I mean Busy to type anymore ttyl~

Back From Camp.

With a bad head cold...

CAMP!!

Hey So I'm Going to camp tomorrow from the 4th to the 9th! It's gonna be so kool and I won't miss much at home cause Rae is going with me and The Bower's are going to cali. (not the ocean!! *shakes head in pitty *grin*) I'm going to miss them SOOOO Much!! But yeah it's still gonna be great, I LOVE camp. So I Love you guys! and I'll ttyl! bye~~

UPDATE...

Hey ok Im Updating... *thinks* ok ummm... I'm so boring *laughs* ok so...I'll put it in a list:

1. Went to Rae's house
2. Cleaned Steph's house because I was upset
3. Cried
4. Cried
5. Laughed
6. Was happy in a sad way
7. Went home
8. Did nothing special
9. Rae came to my house
10. Got ALOT of money off of parents...
11. Felt guilty
12. Got mad at lil' brother
13. Did stuff and thought
14. Rae went home
15. Had to have a 4 day break from Rae
16. Talked on the phone ALOT
17. Rode my bike to the library
18. Was bored
19. Went to Rae's house
20. Hung out and was happy
21. Did stuff
22. "yoinked" tater-tots and curly fries
23. Got Rae' mad at me
24. Went to church and watched 3 year olds
25. Got really tired
26. Left the evil *ahem* cute lil' 3 year olds and said Hi to friends
27. Chased James because he cut and dyed his hair
27. Saw Ricco
28. Hung out with Gordon, his lil' niece and Rae
29. Laughed at Gordon because he was trying to be all cool and Gangsta
30. Left church
31. Talked on the phone
32. Was happy/ blushing
33. Had to go to bed
34. Slept
35. Biked to Library again the next day


and yeah that's it....